Ideally (for women), the wife/mother will never have to ask for 'time off' to go out with her friends or just to have a break. Instead , the husband/father will often insist that she should go and pamper herself, offering his services to look after the children so that she can go off happily.
(Ideally, for men, the wife/mother will never ask for 'time off'. Same as how employers feel about domestic helpers.)
After a couple of frustrating incidences recently where I was not able to go off by myself even though there were available caregivers for the boys, I decided to take concrete action instead of feeling upset about it and having no mood to play properly with the boys (not to mention black face all the time :p)
In the past, I would ask for time off from Hubby when my friends wanted to meet up (e.g. one of my girlfriends' birthday) or when I wanted to go for a facial etc. But I felt a bit paiseh everytime I asked, as it seemed like it was 'extra'. And I would rush to my appointment and then rush back to meet up with Hubby and kids. In the end, I didn't feel much rested.. in fact it was quite stressful to go for a facial!
Now, I take a day off every month, 10am to 6pm. I go off even if I do not have any specific plans. And if I do want to meet up with my friends or go for a facial or haircut etc, I will arrange on my off day. No fixed day, but only one day a month.
Yesterday was the first time I did this. No guilt, because I know that I am still with the boys 24 hours the other 29 days of June. No paiseh, cos I know I will not have to leave Hubby alone with the boys for the remainder of the month. All I felt was HAPPY!
Did not make any plans with anyone for the day cos I wanted to totally relax and did not want any time constraints. Asked one old friend whether she was free to meet up as I have not met her for a very very long time, but she was not free. So I spent my free time visiting my favorite shops.. all places which I have always frequented, but this time I could browse slowly in peace! And I met up with two friends for an impromptu tea! Wow, when was the last time I could meet friends without prior advance early planning??
How about Hubby? Is it fair for him to have to take care of the boys by himself for one day a month? Well, he has dinner and drinks with his work associates about 2-3 times a month, usually reaching home no earlier than 1am. Though the boys are already in bed anyway and I don't need him around to help out with them, so it shouldn't matter, right? Hmm, he has me and my military training to thank for not having to rush home after work everyday, and being able to rest once he reaches home at 8pm+ as the boys are in bed by then. Yep, I take the credit. And I am very willing to let Hubby go off by himself during weekends if he wants to catch a movie etc. Fair and square! Not to mention that he will be happier with a happy wife than a grouchy one.. :p
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